I...

I simply don't know what to say...

So many things have happened, I can't believe it.

I am utterly sad, but at the same time I'm happy. I've never, ever hated emotions in my whole life.

Until now.

Well, anyway, lets start with the good news:

[link]

I got featured thanxthanxthanxthanxthanxTHANKYOUUUUU!!!

~~~~~~

Now the bad news:
April the 27th my dear uncle passed away.
It was totally unexpected.
And, as some of you already know, last friday,the day after my uncle's funeral, my grandfather passed away.
He was very ill, and we all knew this was coming. But it always comes too soon, way too soon.

The last thing my gandfather said was:
"The angels are singing so beautifully"

I loved him so much, so much. And I still love him.
I know he'll be always there, above me, watching me.
But I miss him so much.
I can't toutch him anymore.
I can't talk to him.
I'll never be able to hear his voice again...

It was better this way. The cancer was eating him away, He was in pain, and had accepted the fact that he was going to die.

Oh gosh, I'm crying all over my keyboard here

I'm not scared to die. No, absolutely not.
But I'm scared to lose everything. It feels like everything is slowly fading away around me. Im so scared...

'Somebody' told me that, if you hold on to yourself, you won't lose everything.
Well, something like that.
But that's the point. I'm losing myself. I've had and still have mental problems.
And I'm afaid I'll lose control over myself again...

~~~~~

<sup>Don't comfort me.

Let me curl up
in the corners
of my beaten soul.

Don't hold me.

Let me cry out
from the depths
of my pained heart.

Don't talk to me.

Let me feel safe
in this world
of pain and fear.

Don't leave me.</sup>